My parents came to the United States together at 18 and 22 years old, they were both very young and didn’t know how to speak English so as they learned to adapt to a new environment they also had to learn how to speak a new language. Of course this was a struggle and a challenge because they didn’t have school or any other resources to truly help them practice so they never got to really practice how to speak and read English. I have been practicing Spanish and English at home and at school since Elementary School, throughout my whole school career I took bilingual classes. I was always a straight A’s and 100’s student when it came to Spanish, but when it came to English it wasn’t always the perfect grades. It wasn’t about the writing or reading but more when it came to speaking it and the vocabulary I used. This was a huge deal to me when I was in Middle School, specifically in 6th and 7th grade. During my English class I would get pulled aside to go to ESL classes along with a few other classmates. I used to always hate getting pulled aside for that class, and I used to hope nobody would notice or say anything about it. It was something that I was so embarrassed of, getting pulled aside to take that class made me feel dumb.

Now looking back at those times that I got pulled aside I don’t think it meant that I was “dumb” or “slow”, it wasn’t my fault that English wasn’t the first language I learned or that it wasn’t the language I practiced at home with my family. My family came from Mexico and even though they were taught English at school they never mastered it or understood it. Regardless of them not knowing or understanding English they still tried their best to help me learn it outside of school. My mom always made sure to make me watch movies and cartoons in English, so I can have a way of learning it besides school with my teachers and friends. What my mom also made sure of was that I kept practicing my Spanish even if I already did at home which is why I always was in bilingual classes, she knew the importance and impact that being bilingual has and I’m grateful she pushed for me to keep practicing both languages. At times I feel like this had an impact on my English because I always scored best in Spanish and at times I felt like my Spanish was better than my English, and I hated this. English is the language I wanted to get 100’s in because it’s the language I spoke at school, with my friends, work, etc. This would make me feel as if my English needed improvement or my English wasn’t good enough. I would always notice this while writing my essays at school, I would hear my teachers or friend’s essays and I would notice a difference in the vocabulary we used and I felt like mine wasn’t as good or advanced as theirs was. I remember reading and watching videos on words I could substitute for to sound more “smart” or “advanced”, but now I am in college I have heard professors talk about how the vocabulary and big words don’t always make you sound as smart or isn’t always the best because that’s not what truly determines your smartness or knowledge but rather the quality of your work.

My mindset about my use of words and vocabulary has changed a lot since I was in Middle School, and it is something I am not embarrassed of or feel ashamed of. I have learned to accept that my English isn’t horrible or great, it is my English that I’ve grown up with and been using since being in Elementary School and it’s not going to determine my knowledge. Being the oldest sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin in the family I now feel the duty of teaching my younger cousins how to speak English because I know their parents first language isn’t English so the only way they get to learn is if I speak to them in English and make them practice it. I

have a six year old cousin who I always tried my best to teach him before he got into school because I knew the feeling of feeling embarrassed because you have an accent or didn’t know how to say certain things. I didn’t want him to feel that way, I wanted him to go into school knowing the language specially because his school did not teach Spanish nor were the teachers hispanic. I always made sure to speak to him in English and have him only talk to me in English so he could get the hang of it and really know the basics. I felt good knowing I was helping him and he wasn’t going to have to struggle as much as I did when I was younger.
Seeing my six year old cousin who went into school with very little knowledge about English and seeing how he’s been treated makes me think about how education should really focus on students who don’t have parents that can help them with their English at home to never be ashamed of making a mistake in pronunciation or grammar. Also to make it aware to students that accents are normal and nobody should make fun of anyone for not knowing as much English as somebody else. It is important for kids to know from a young age that not everyone’s situation is the same and to be aware of making certain comments because it can really affect them emotionally and mentally.